


I'm so lost without you

by Ayril



Category: Free!
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Reader-Insert, Romance, This is very rushed, but my friend insisted i posted this here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9608474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayril/pseuds/Ayril
Summary: Happens after Haru's breakdown in episode 9.(Y/N) has been childhood friends with the guys, and after Haruka went missing everyone started looking for him, but instead of finding Haru you find Sousuke in the shower room, what happens with your childhood crush? Does it bloom or does it end in tragedy for both of you?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my first fanfic here, and it might be a bit rushed but my friend insisted I posted it here, I'm not really confident with other people reading the things I write but I guess I could give it a try.  
> Constructive critisism is welcome and also, english is not my first language so there might be some mistakes here and there.  
> I hope you like it:)

You were running around the place, looking for Haru, you saw Makoto and Haru’s race, and when Haru stopped midway, all of you decided to look for him.

He wasn’t in the locker room, and you had no luck finding him outside, when you were about to pass the shower room, you heard it running.

“Haru? Are you here?” you asked knocking on the door, you weren’t allowed to be there, and you didn’t want to run into some naked guy, but there was no reply.“Is anyone here?” You tried again, but the results were the same, then maybe someone left the shower running? That shouldn’t be the case, but if there’s no reply then Haru might be elsewhere.“I’m coming in!” You said, a bit louder as you opened the door.

You were shocked, you found someone, but you didn’t expect to see him in such a terrible shape, Sousuke was in the floor of the shower groaning in pain, his face was twisted in pain and his shoulder looked swollen.

“Sousuke!” You ran to him, not caring if you got drenched, Sousuke was way more important at the moment but you silently thanked yourself for wearing a dark shirt.

“How much does it hurt? Can you stand?” You were kneeling in front of him, you avoided asking if he was okay because clearly he wasn’t. He didn’t reply but by the expression on his face you could tell it was very painful.

He was thankful that the shower was running, this way you wouldn’t see the tears running down his face, he had kept this secret from everyone, and as far as he knows, only Kisumi and Haruka knew what was up, he wasn’t very happy that you found out this way about his injury.

“I’m sorry Sou, I should’ve noticed you were in pain, I’m really sorry, I’m the worst” He kept silent and looked away, he didn’t want you to beat yourself up about this, it wasn’t your fault.

“What are you doing here?” He was being cold with you, he has never been cold with you, he knew how much you care for him, and he felt guilty that he never told you about his shoulder.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for Haru, I was watching his race and everyone got worried after he stopped midway” you paused “He’s been weird since the term started, but I didn’t expect to find you here, like this” You looked at him in the eyes, those teal eyes you came to love so much were staring back at you, all of the light in them gone.

“For now let’s tell Rin about this, I’m sure he’ll understand and…” you stood up but Sousuke trapped you between the wall of the shower and himself “You will not tell Rin. Understood?” He said menacingly.  
“But why? I’m sure he’ll understand and we can help you recover”  
“Help me? Ha! Like you can! It’s already a lost cause!” You couldn’t believe it, and you let out a sob, it was so unfair, the proud man that worked hard to achieve his dream of going pro was standing in front of you, broken.

“What are you crying for huh? Do you know how painful it is? Do you fucking know how painful it is to know that you will never be able to make your dreams come true? You would never be able to understand!” He yelled. You’ve never seen him behave this way, he was venting all of his frustrations to you. “Get out” He whispered avoiding your gaze, about to walk away.

“Sousuke please! I’m sure we can find a way! The three of us together!” You grabbed his hand but he yanked it away. “I told you to get out!” He pushed you too hard and your weight fell down on your hand. He gasped, he didn’t want this to happen, he didn’t want to hurt you, he didn’t even want to react this way. 

You tried to stand up with your good hand, the one you just injured was starting to swell. “The Sousuke I fell in love with would have never hurt me, The Sousuke I came to love so much isn’t here, so I apologize for wasting your time…” You were clutching your injured hand, Makoto and the rest would make a fuss out of it, Haru might even look for Sousuke to punch him, you walked towards the door, Sousuke was too shocked to even reply, the person that he loved the most, even more than Rin, just confessed to him, but it wasn’t the way he imagined it to be, and he pushed you away and even hurt you in the process.

“I won’t tell Rin, but don’t you dare come looking for me after he finds out… Yamazaki” Your words were filled with venom, Sousuke didn’t know how to deal with everything that was happening, first his shoulder acting up, then you finding out, confessing and walking away from his life, injured because of him. He was left behind in the shower room, crying and cursing under his breath, he knew he lost you, the most important person in his world, and he knew it was forever.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey (y/n)! We found Haru! He was in the lockers with…Rin” Makoto saw you drenched and with a swollen hand, he ran up to you worried. “What happened to your hand? Why are you drenched? Are you okay?” 

“Does it look like I’m okay Makoto?” You sobbed. “Just leave me alone” You started to walk away, but Makoto caught your good hand and turned you around “I won’t let you go until you tell me what happened” He said cupping your face, his eyes filled with worry were staring at you, and that was all you needed to hug him and cry louder, he hugged you back, careful to not hurt you anymore than you already were.

“We still have a bit of time before I go warm up, why don’t we go to the infirmary to get you patched up, then you’ll tell me everything that happened, deal?” You weakly nodded “But let me change first” You whispered “Are you sure? Don’t you want to go to the infirmary first?” You shook your head and Makoto accompanied you to the locker rooms, lending you his towel to dry yourself, then he ran to get your bag from the bleachers, it was a good thing that you always had a skivvy roll with you.

After you changed, you went together to the infirmary, the nurse didn’t ask about your wet hair and treated you quickly so you could go with your friend, Makoto and you were walking outside, neither of you saying a word until you sat down.

“So…What happened (y/n)-chan?” Makoto didn’t want to push you to talk to him, but he was worried.”Nothing” You replied, looking away “Tell me the truth, please” Makoto is always worrying about everyone, but you can’t lie to him, both of you know that. You told him everything that happened while you were looking for Haru, he listened to every word you said and hugged you afterwards.

Makoto saw Sousuke and Rin walking in your direction, so he suggested that both of you got back to the others, he knew you loved Sousuke, and he knew you didn’t want to see him right now. But you declined his offering, telling him that you would go to the hotel instead, you needed to rest after all, you bid him farewell and walked to the hotel by yourself, even if Makoto didn’t want you to go back alone.

The Samezuka team and the rest of the Iwatobi team were hoping they would see you cheering for them, specially Sousuke because he knew he had to apologize, even if it didn’t change anything, but you never came.


	3. Chapter 3

“I need to apologize to her” Sousuke commented while lying in his bed, it has been a week since he injured you and no one has seen you since then.

“Well, you’ve taken your sweet time Sousuke, it’s been a week” Rin heard your side of the story when he visited you, and he wanted to punch Sousuke right in the face, you were like his little sister after all.

“I’ll go to her house today” Sousuke said after getting up and picking his stuff, he was quicly out of the door before Rin could even reply, but he caught up quickly to him “Hey Sousuke, tell me what happened that day” Rin wanted to hear his side of the story, and as both of them were leaving Samezuka, Sousuke told him exactly what happened, blaming himself for hurting you.

“Rin-chan! Sou-chan!” Nagisa came running to them, Rei catching up to them “You guys, what are you doing here?” Asked Rin “We are on our way to catch up with Makoto-senpai” Rei Replied “Are you on your way to the hospital too?” Asked Nagisa, a bit of sadness in his voice.

“The hospital?” Sousuke was confused, why would they go to the hospital?“ Didn’t you know Sou-chan? (Y/N) is in the hospital recovering” Nagisa left Sousuke speechless, did he hurt you so much that you had to go to the hospital? It was only a broken hand right? He started running towards the hospital, since Nagisa and Rei were here, he supposed the hospital you were in was the same where he got his appointments with the therapist.

“Oi Sousuke!” Rin called him catching up “Calm down!” He grabbed his arm to stop him, but Sousuke turned around and grabbed him by his shirt “You knew about this didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me Rin?” His voice was dark and the others rushed to them “Yamazaki-senpai! Stop it!” Rei tried to help Rin free himself from Sousuke’s grasp, “(Y/N) has always been frail, you should know that better than anyone, didn’t you stay with her before transferring to Tokyo!?” Rin yelled back, and suddenly, everything was making sense to him, how you got sick easily, the days where you didn’t go to school after Rin transferred, they were few, but still there, everything was there and he didn’t notice? and he left you all alone here to pursue his dream?

“For now let’s go visit her! I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you!” Nagisa said trying to lighten up the mood, he was joyfully talking to Rei while Rin and Sousuke didn’t say a word the rest of the way.


	4. Chapter 4

A laughter could be heard from the outside of the room, to Sousuke who has spent quite a lot of time with you, it was easy to recognise, it belonged to his beloved (y/n) and he had to step in. He saw you laughing with Makoto, and he was shocked, not because it was only the two of you there, but because your eyes lost something, they weren’t shining as brightly as before, you were paler and visibly skinnier too.

“Ah Rin-Rin! Nice to see you!” You greeted Rin cheerfuly “Kisumi said he was on his way half an hour ago, he’s late!” You said with a pout. “Ah Yamazaki-san, I didn’t expect to see you here” You acted as cold as you could, he deserved it, and he knew it, but it didn’t stop his heart from breaking a bit, you’ve never called him by his last name, not even when you met him.

“Sorry for being late, I wanted to bring you something” Kisumi said walking towards you with a little box. “(fav. pastry)! You remembered! Thank you Kisumi!” You said hugging him “Anything for my princess, though I’m only here for a short while” He replied hugging you back “Aww that’s fine! How’s Hayato? Is he doing well in the Swim Club?” You cheerfully asked, taking one bite of the treat afterwards.”He’s doing great! It’s all thanks to Makoto!” Kisumi cheerfully replied 

You enjoyed your time with the guys, talking with them calmed their nerves for nationals somehow, you tried your best to ignore Sousuke, and it wasn’t a difficult task, he was standing awkwardly near the door, without saying a thing.

“Rin, can we talk a bit outside? I need to talk to you about something” Makoto said suddenly standing up, Rin didn’t mind but it had to be pretty important if he wanted to speak to him alone, or maybe they’re just trying to help Sousuke? Nagisa and Rei talked a bit with you then they dragged Kisumi and went to get something to drink.

Now it was only you and Sousuke, why were the others taking so long?


	5. Chapter 5

“(Y/N)…” The teal-eyed male started, he was scared of what you had to say  
“Save it, I don’t want to hear it” You said “In fact, get out of here” You glared at him, he knew he deserved it, but still, it hurt him so much to see you like this, in a hospital bed, and ignoring him.

“Please just listen to me…” He started but you weren’t in the mood, so you cut him off “I told you didn’t I? to not come back to me”  
“How is your hand?” He asked, ignoring what you just said “Better now, thanks to Makoto, now leave” You angrily replied, you just wanted him to leave, where was everyone else? “Are you and Makoto dating?” His voice was loud enough for you to hear, he assumed at least Nagisa was eavesdropping.

“Why do you care? My love life has nothing to do with you Yamazaki” You spat  
“I’m really sorry about the other day” He started to get closer to your bed, hesitating. “Too late, now leave or I’ll call the nurse” You threatened “Just listen to me…okay?” He pleaded and you kept silent, looking away from him “I’m sorry I hurt you, I was upset about my shoulder and I pushed you away…” “Yeah, literally…” You interrupted him and he just glared, though you wouldn’t even face him “I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you, but I didn’t want you to find out that way, I wanted to tell you after the relay…” He continued scratching his neck “After the relay? Are you fucking kidding me? If your shoulder was swollen when I found you, how did you expect to hide it from Rin and from me? Did you think it would magically heal?” Your voice was dripping with sarcasm, he was staring at you, a hint of hurt in his eyes.

“I will do anything, whatever it takes for you to forgive me” Sousuke said taking your bandaged hand into his tenderly. “Turn around three times, bark two, bow down to me and kiss my feet” Sousuke was a proud man, and you knew he would never do something like the things you just requested, but you were wrong. Sousuke just looked at you and with a faint blush he started turning around “Woof…Woof” He stiffly barked and he kneeled, you didn’t know how to react, you said that just to annoy him, you didn’t really expect for him to actually do it.

He kissed your injured hand, he then walked to the end of your bed, and took your feet into his hand, he kissed your toe nail and you were just shocked, you were blushing, yes, but more than anything you were shocked.

“You didn’t have to do that…” You said trying to hide your blush from him, but it was too late. “I know, but I just told you, I will do anything for you” He said returning to his place beside you “I forgive you…” you whispered. “Thank you” He said hugging you.

Nagisa burst in suddenly, and you pushed Sousuke away, the rest of the guys entered your room, you talked a bit more with them and you told them you would be discharged by the time they went to nationals in a couple of days, they all cheered while Sousuke just smiled.

The visiting hours were about to finish, Rei was the first one to say goodbye, Nagisa following him behind, then Sousuke and Rin, who promised to bring you a present the next time they visited, now it was only Kisumi and Makoto in your room.

“It’s getting late, and I have to help my mom with dinner tonight” said Kisumi sheepishly “Thanks for visiting me Kisumi” You smiled to him but you didn’t expect him to kiss you in the cheek “What was that for?”You asked,your face as red as a tomato. “You told me to kiss you” The pinkette replied with a playful smile on his face “I bet you do that with every girl you meet” You punched him playfully on the shoulder “Only with you princess” He said walking away to the door. “Tell Hayato I said hi!” You said smiling “Of course” He replied getting out of the room. 

The aura around Makoto felt uneasy, he definitely had to tell you, but he didn’t know if this was the right moment.


	6. Chapter 6

“I thought you would be the first one to leave Mako-chan, for your siblings"   
“My parents are home so they are not alone…” He paused “When I stepped out with Rin, he told me that Yamazaki-san wanted some time alone with you. Everyone could sense the tension between you two…” He said trailing off. “Yeah, he came here to apologize for the hand, he seemed to have no idea that I was here, even though he comes to therapy here” you smiled “You know you can’t stay past visiting hours Makoto” He was worried about you,you were his number one priority.

“I know that, but I don’t want you to be alone, your parents aren’t here afterall” He said scratching his cheek “And they won’t come, they are on a business trip” You looked at the window, the truth is that you missed them, but this happened a lot, they would often make trips everywhere, but they loved you very much.

“Listen (Y/N)-chan, there’s something I need to tell you…” he was nervous, it didn’t matter how many times he would rehearse his words in front of his mirror, he knew it won’t come out as he expects “I-I-I like you…b-but n-not as a friend…” he stammered blushing brightly, at the moment, you didn’t know whose face was redder. “I want to be by your side forever, I won’t ever hurt you or leave you alone…so…please” his eyes held nothing but love and adoration.

“Makoto…” you whispered. Since you transferred to Iwatobi, you had a crush on the green-eyed male, but even then, you couldn’t get over Sousuke. “Makoto you’re very important to me but I can’t lie to you…I fell hard for Sousuke and if I start something with you I’ll feel like I would be playing with your feelings, that would be unfair to you” You sobbed trying to hide your face with your hands, this was so frustrating, Makoto didn’t deserve this, he deserves better, much better.

“I will make you fall for me, please (Y/N) give me a chance to make you happy” His voice was trembling, but he was determined, he has waited way too long already, the end of the term was approaching faster than he thought and he didn’t have any time to waste. “Please say something…” he cupped your face with both of his hands, you knew he would be going to uni in Tokyo, there was little time for both of you, and he still risked it. “Can I…give you an answer tomorrow?” You asked looking at him, you needed to think about this, about everything that has happened, you needed more time. “Sure, I’ll come by tomorrow in the afternoon” His eyes gleamed with excitement. you were at least going to consider it, that alone made him insanely happy.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow Makoto” you said with a little smile, Makoto had to get home for dinner and the nurses would probably throw him out if he stayed any longer “Until tomorrow” he just waved at you with a big smile and got out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

The following day came by really fast, you couldn’t sleep thanks to Makoto and his confession, and everyone would arrive soon, tomorrow was the day of the nationals and you had promised to see them.

“Hello (y/n)! How have you been?” Seijuuro greeted as he closed the door behind him “(Y/N)-san!” Momo ran to hug you “Sousuke-senpai told me you were in the hospital! Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked “I didn’t want to worry you guys, plus, I’m getting discharged later today!” You smiled happily “Haru should be coming later with Makoto and a change of clothes for me” 

“That’s great news (Y/N)-kun! We should celebrate after Nationals!” Sei cheered “That’s a great idea nii-san! We could invite everyone!” Momo was exited, it was really refreshing to see them.”We could do it in my place!” You suggested, the idea of celebrating after nationals with everyone was something you were looking forward to.

Ai, Rin and Sousuke arrived later with some presents, Ai gave you some cookies, Rin gave you (fav. sweets) and Sousuke (fav. flowers). Kisumi arrived later,bringing you some chocolates. You were beginning to be overwhelmed by the presents.

“Sorry we’re late! Haru wouldn’t get out of the tub” Makoto said as he came to your room with Haru behind “Don’t lie to her Mako-chan! You didn’t want to look through her underwear to bring her a change of clothes!” Nagisa said behind them “Nagisa-kun! Don’t say those kinds of things out loud!” Rei said pushing his glasses in an attempt to hide his embarrassment,

“Why? Is it embarrasing to you?” Nagisa teased “We’re in a hospital” said Haru with a bento in his hands “Thanks for the bento Haru! Let me guess, is it mackerel?” you asked opening the lid and everyone sighed “Haru’s mackerel is the best!” you cheerfully said.

“So…Who brought me my change of clothes?” You asked taking a bite “We have it” Gou said stepping in with Chigusa, there were a lot of people in the room now, thank God it was big. “Honestly, men are so useless when it’s this kind of stuff” Chigusa sighed “Makoto-senpai asked me over the phone to choose some clothes for you, so we brought something cute for you!” Gou smiled, you were on the same grade as Makoto and Haru, but you hung out a lot with Gou and Chigusa, you needed female friends after all.

“Not fair! I didn’t bring (Y/N)-kun any present” Seijuuro muttered, Momotarou wanted to give you his beetle but Sousuke took it from his hands and told him he would free it in the woods. Makoto brought you an orca plushie, Nagisa an Iwatobi-chan bread, Rei brought you a book and Gou and Chigusa gave you a couple of bracelets they made themselves. “Guys, you shouldn’t have brought me any presents! How will I make it home later with all this stuff?” you asked a little bit embarrassed “We’ll help you out (Y/N)-senpai)” Ai cheered

“Thank you Ai!” You smiled to him “Now that we’re all here, we can discuss the plans for the celebration!” You said clapping your hands “Celebration?” asked Kisumi “Yeah! Momo, Sei and I were talking about it before you guys arrived” you explained “That’s right! (Y/N)-kun will offer her house to celebrate after nationals tomorrow” He said ruffling your hair, making you drop the last bite of mackerel left into the bento. Makoto and Haru were not as happy as the rest “Don’t do it” Haruka said “Eh? Why not Haru?” You asked surprised “We don’t want you to overwork yourself…” Makoto replied scratching his cheek.

“I know! Let’s divide the tasks between us so that (Y/N)-chan doesn’t strain her body!” Nagisa suggested and the Mikoshibas, Rei and the girls cheered “I just want to request something, if it’s not too much…” You shyly interrupted “Anything for you princess!” Replied Kisumi “I want Sousuke and Haru to cook…” you requested scratching the back of your neck “Ah good idea (Y/N)!” Rin said smiling, you loved his shark-like teeth. 

Everyone else got their tasks assigned and even though you didn’t want to make them do these things, you were grateful, your hand hasn’t healed yet and it would be difficult to make everything yourself. You were really happy, everyone chatted and shared some jokes with you, and they told you lots of anecdotes. You were really thankful that you got to meet all of them, it was truly a blessing, you didn’t want this time to end, but you knew better than that.


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as you got discharged, Nitori and the rest helped you carry all the presents to your house, and Seijuuro even suggested to carry you all the way home, but you politely declined because you haven’t been out of bed in a while and you needed to make your muscles work.

Everyone took it easy and walked slowly to your house, the samezuka guys apologized to you because they had to check some things before tomorrow so they left after you arrived home. Nagisa, Rei, Chigusa and Gou had homework to finish, they didn’t go all the way to your house because it was easier to just get off in the station near their homes.

Seijuuro, stayed for a bit, talking with Makoto and his new friend Kisumi about basketball and sports in general while Haruka prepared food in your kitchen. Seijuuro and Kisumi left after a couple of hours of discussing Haru’s trip to Australia with Rin.

“Well, it’s time for me to leave too” said Haru standing up from the couch “Why? You live close by!” You whined “I want to rest a bit” He replied walking to the door while you pouted, the trip must’ve been exhausting for him, so you let him go this time. “Come pick me up tomorrow morning! and don’t stay too long in the bathtub!” You yelled and he just nodded, truthfully speaking, he wasn’t tired at all, but he knew Makoto confessed to you and he wanted to give you some time alone with him.

“So…” You began, nervous and blushing a bit, you still needed time, it’s not a decision you make in one night right? “About yesterday…” You were fidgeting and playing with the bracelets you just got, they were more interesting than the reply to Makoto’s feelings for you.

“I meant every word I said (Y/N)-chan, I really like you” Makoto said trying to be serious, but even his ears were red. “I know you do, but I still don’t know, I don’t want to feel like I’m playing with you” You said looking anywhere but him, it was awkward because he knew how you felt for Sousuke, and it was completely unfair to him.

“Look at me” He requested and you slowly lifted your head “I know I still have a chance to win your heart, so you’re not playing with me, I chose you but I want to know your honest reply” He said taking your hands “Thank you Makoto, for always being with me, I…I’ll give you a chance Makoto, butI still think that you deserve better…” You weren’t sure if this was the right choice, but you’ll never know if you don’t try, and you didn’t even know if Sousuke felt the same way as you, but you decided to spend what little time you got left with Makoto, because he was always there when you needed him the most after Sousuke’s transferred.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you” He said kissing your bandaged hand, he had a piece of your heart and he had the chance to win you over, you just made him the happiest man alive. “You’re everything I’ll ever need, I promise I will make you happy (Y/N)” He said looking at your eyes. “I’m counting on you Makoto!” You said smiling.

"You have no idea how happy I am” Makoto said holding you tight, you hugged him back after the shock and replied “I’m happy too Makoto”

Makoto is very gentle, yes, and he worries about you more than he probably should, but you knew that deep inside, Makoto could be very agressive, he hides his negative emotions so he doesn’t harm anyone, but you knew better than that. When he saw your swollen hand, his eyes were filled with worry, but as soon as you told him about the incident in the showers with Sousuke, his eyes gleamed with fury.   
If Makoto was more impulsive, you’d have to get help to hold him back from killing Sousuke, His beautiful green eyes reflect every emotion he has with honesty, he can’t hide anything from you…and probably Haru.

That’s why when he asked if he could kiss you, all you could do was nod and accept his gentle lips. He gently cupped your face to bring you closer to him, you could feel his warm breath on your lips. The look on his face is one you wont forget even if you tried, you could only see adoration and love in his eyes, for him, the world had dissappeared completely, leaving only the two of you behind; He wanted you, but not in a sexual kind of way, he needed you like he needed air, he needed you to be complete.

The kiss was awkward, it was the first time both of you did something like that, but it was sweet and it made you feel loved, so you took the iniciative and you deepened it, knowing that Makoto would hold himself back to not make you uncomfortable. Your tongue and his were trying to know each other tenderly, it felt so good that you couldn’t hold a moan back, but neither of you took it any farther, and you broke the kiss when you needed to breathe, he pecked you and both sighed contentedly.

Your mind was filled with Makoto and you couldn’t be any happier.


	9. Chapter 9

Nationals came by in a flash, the celebration that you planned afterwards was really fun, everyone enjoyed the party that was offered in your home with the delicious food made by Sousuke and the dessert made by Haru.

It was a really fun day, Seijuuro and Momo brought some snacks while Ai, Chigusa and Gou brought the drinks, Rin, Nagisa and Rei brought multiplayer videogames while Makoto brought his controllers so everyone could play in turns. 

You organized a mini Smash Bros. tournament while the food was being cooked, Sei and Nagisa were winning it but you kicked everyone’s butt when you played Mario Kart after eating, Kisumi and you were tied but you ended up wining after someone threw a blue shell to him as he was arriving to the finish line, it was a really fun day and everyone stayed until the next day in an improvised sleep over.

You couldn’t sleep, you were still excited and your brain wouldn’t shut up, so you started thinking about everyone, soon Makoto and yourself would be going to college, Makoto was going to a uni in Tokyo, you also got accepted but you didn’t know if you should also go there, you would have to move out and it would be very hard to do so.

Rin and Haru would keep training hard to go pro, you couldn’t wait to see them at the olympics, you hoped they would invite you to cheer on them when that happened, you weren’t going to miss it for anything.

Chigusa, Gou, Nagisa, Rei and Nitori were going to start their senior year, with Nitori and Rei as captains of their respective team’s swim club, Momo being the youngest was going to start his second year, but Momo has always lived the way he wanted, that’s what his brother taught him.

Seijuuro would start a new term in uni and you made a mental note to ask him about his experiences in uni and the things he’s done, you were very nervous after all.

As for Sousuke, he decided to take a gap year, to concentrate in his therapy and to recover during that year, but he would be moving back to Tokyo to help his dad as well, he agreed to help Makoto look for a room to rent.

Makoto and you were doing well, it was a bit secretive because either of you like kissing in public, holding hands and hugging was normal in your routines, specially when you were alone. You noticed Sousuke’s mood would turn sour when you did anything with Makoto, but you didn’t care now, it was you and Makoto now, if he liked you then it was too late, you were starting to fall for the gentle green-eyed man.

Time was passing by faster than you thought, and you silently cried, everyone is growing up so quickly but what about you? You still had that existential crisis and didn’t know what to do, you considered taking a gap year as well, it’s not like your parents would care, but you would have to apply again for the universities and that wouldn’t be very fun, you just hoped everything would be okay in the end, for your sake and for Makoto’s.


	10. Chapter 10

It was a huge day, and you were using a beautiful dress, that made your eyes stand out…except that it didn’t. Your eyes were dull but no one could see them since they were closed.

Silence, everything was so silent, a huge group of people were reunited, all of them wearing black, your group of friends as well, all of them crying their hearts out.

Nagisa, Rei and the Mikoshiba duo were the loudest, Rin and Gou were hugging each other while crying, Gou trying to console his brother. Chigusa and Ai were silently crying as well as Sousuke, Kisumi and Haru but Makoto had it worse, so much worse.

Makoto was silent, still in shock, his little siblings were crying their hearts out with Hayato as well, they loved you very much, when he heard the news from your parents his brain shut off, his legs stopped supporting him, and he was screaming, this isn’t real, it’s a lie right? this is just a nightmare right? you were going to the same college as him in Tokyo right? You were going to move in with him and you would marry and have kids. This had to be a joke right?

That’s right, you weren’t there anymore, the doctors did all they could but in the end, it wasn’t enough. Kisumi was patting Makoto in the back, wiping some tears of his own. No one could believe this happened to you, no one could believe you were dead.

You knew this was going to happen, you didn’t know how, but you just did, so before getting ready for the surgery you wrote some letters for your friends, for your parents, telling them how sorry you were for leaving early, telling them how much you would miss them and how you would look after them in the afterlife.

Not all the letters were the same, you wrote each and one of them thinking in the person who was going to get it, thanking them for everything they’ve done for you, remembering different things and moments of happiness, and they couldn’t stand it, how could you just be so accepting of this? How could you leave them behind? Didn’t you say you loved them with all your heart? then why…? Why did you have to leave so soon?

They knew it was going to be really hard to move on without you, they knew it was going to hurt to remember you. 

You knew this was ending, and you were ready to leave, only one regret in your heart, leaving them behind. It hurt you as much as it hurts them, you didn’t get to spend your adulthood with your best friends, you didn’t get to travel around the world like you wished, how unfair.

You could only watch from afar, watch them cry and beg to god to bring you back, you could only see how painful it was for everyone, but you promised that if you were to be reborn, that you would look for them again, you swore that the strings of fate that connected all of you would surely find their way to connect you together once more. 

You could only see yourself, with a beautiful dress, pale as you could be, with your eyes closed. You were thankful you lived a wonderful life by their sides so you could only see yourself…smiling.


End file.
